The Death of Adventure Games: The Cat Mustache Was Never the Issue Here
Everything you probably know about the death of adventure games is wrong
Photo by Alexis Ong, adapted by Dia Lacina and used by permission 
                                   
                            I’ll admit it: in 1999, I was skeptical of Gabriel Knight 3: Blood of the Sacred, Blood of the Damned. On the day I walked into my Babbage’s, for what would be the last time it (or any other store) was still a Babbage’s, I picked the box off the shelf and winced at the screenshots on the back. I didn’t trust it. My friends didn’t trust it. BlackLiq tried to sell me on a Dreamcast and Power Stone instead. But the power of Holy Blood, Holy Grail ran through me. I was primed for Jane Jensen delivering a taut and overly-researched thriller with Jesus and Vampires and pre-Dan Brown conspiracy. So, against the better judgment of my peers, I brought Gabriel Knight 3 home with me.
I heard Tim Curry’s voice. I wandered around an elaborate Direct3D fever dream of a French village. I tricked a man into giving me a motorcycle. And several days beyond the seven-day no-questions return window, thoroughly satisfied that I didn’t need to finish Day 1 or the rest of the game ever, I took the CD-ROM out of the drive. I put it back in the jewel case and box, and gave it to a friend who I haven’t heard from in 25 years.
It’s okay. I got a Dreamcast for Christmas.
Years passed, and in that time games became a side piece. Ironically, games journalism became something other people told me about haphazardly. One of the student workers I hired to safeguard our computer lab from pornography and outside food and drinks really wanted to be a games journalist. I told him how I wanted to write for Nintendo Power as a child. He courted websites I’d find in our shared work browser history, some of them gone, the rest transformed, names that didn’t mean anything to me then that became colleagues, mentors, and friends now. I’d read some of them when I was covering his shift because I gave him time off to go to E3.
During all those years, a legend blossomed from one of those blogs. One seemingly as pervasive, and almost well-known as the Konami Code: The Cat Mustache and How Adventure Games Died.
To hear it from the AAA mind of a post-Y2K gamer, nothing in the world has ever been as disastrous as the Cat Mustache puzzle, or as doomed (and dooming) as Gabriel Knight 3’s arrival into this world. When other gamers tell me what they think killed adventure games, it plays out for me as cartoonishly as it sounds.
It was on a seasonally brisk, but below average Thursday morning in Madera county when the last adventure game ever walked out the front doors of the Yosemite Entertainment building and took its first strained gasp of outside air. 37 days before Christmas, Gabriel Knight 3: Blood of the Sacred, Blood of the Damned was born. A strangled and curious beast, kicking and writhing, an Eraserhead creation that only its creators could be proud of. Its existence is a miracle of a small team pulling the wool over the eyes of Corporate. A season of Halt & Catch Fire in miniature. Children everywhere melting down, still in their Christmas footie Pajamas as they are forced to confront logic so obtuse DOOM-centric gamers cannot hope to contend with it. They start bleeding out of their head holes. They fall over dead. Parents clutch their console gamer children who flew too close to the sun and beg God to give them back. Tipper Gore is screaming at Congress. Adventure games are lined up and shot. The secret good version of Escape from Monkey Island is hauled away to a gulag, never to be heard from again.
And back at the original Oakhurst headquarters of Sierra On-line. Gabriel Knight 3 collapses and dies after its first brave step. The last of its kind, a Sisyphean venture by some of the last ones to leave the building. It never stood a chance. Now was the time for real games, for real gamers.
All this, as far as I can tell (and am told), originates from two little blog posts. One from Cliff Hicks at CNET’s Gamecenter. The other a response to it by Erik Wolpaw from one of the titans of terrible infants of games blogging, Old Man Murray. From this combined, mean-spirited mass of text that barely amounts to 2,000 words, multiple generations of gamers accepted and handed-down a version of reality as gospel without ever thinking to question, test, or even fact check it.
I’m not going to link to the Old Man Murray article in question for three reasons:
- It’s factually inaccurate and has caused more than enough strife for Jane Jensen over the years.
- At an anemic sub-1,500 words, it’s barely a substantive critique. Most of the wordcount comes from a direct quote of the Gamespot guide. The rest is repeating what the guide says, but in a shitty tone to indicate a mocking superiority of the Gamecenter writer’s false claim to intellectual superiority, followed by an excoriation of Jane Jensen.
- It’s truly mean-spirited in the way the Internet of the early 2000s thrived on and encouraged, and I will give Wolpaw the benefit of the doubt that in the last 25 years he’s grown deeply embarrassed by the thirtysomething who hit publish on that.
If you want to read it, you can find it easily enough. But the gist is: Wolpaw argues the cat mustache puzzle is really stupid, and adventure games killed themselves.
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