Date Everything Is Peak Millennial Cringe

Generational differences are largely fake ideas. One need only read histories of youth moments of the past to see echoes of our current moment. The parallels between the anti-war movement during Vietnam and the ongoing student movement for Palestine are sometimes eerie. Nevertheless, media (social and otherwise) can heighten perceived differences. Date Everything represents this to me, a reflection of various traits I’ve seen attributed to millennials across my many years online. It is a cocktail of “lockdown era” loneliness, internetted selves, wholesome horniness (prudes will be happy to know there are no real sex scenes), and a toothless tech worker #resistance. All of this congeals into a heady and contradictory mix I am going to call “millennial cringe.” Lest you think I am holding myself above this, I’m a cringe millennial myself. I have some expertise on the topic.
First, and most obviously, Date Everything is fixated on a kind of pandemic loneliness. Forget Death Stranding; Date Everything is a real COVID game. Upon receiving the glasses which let you do the titular activity, you are stuck inside your house, lest the misguided corp which built them snatch the glasses back for use in its contract with “the department of overseas violence.” The glasses, like a PC or phone, open up a social world that would otherwise be inaccessible. When you aren’t chatting it up, Date Everything is lonely. You wander an empty house, with no human connection that isn’t mediated by a screen.
Even in Date Everything’s jokester tone, this lonesome feeling could resonate. Date Everything feels targeted to those who pivoted to work-from-home during the early days of the pandemic. As that time’s absurdities and dreads still linger (and as the health care crisis COVID represents worsens), it could be worthwhile to revisit them even in a comic, pastel hue. But even beyond COVID, I believe we live in an age of general loneliness. Social media can connect us, but most often labels and itemizes us. The nomenclature of “essential worker” reveals how many jobs are unessential and provide no tangible benefit to any real human beings (except maybe shareholders). Real community takes real work and time, both things that precarity and circumstance rob from most of us. Even through all its joke characters, Date Everything is explicitly about the importance of real community. Its endgame involves bringing each of its characters to real, human life, letting them live free together.
But Date Everything does not address these issues so much as it walks around them. Every one of Date Everything’s characters (or “dateables” as the game calls them) is an island unto themselves. Though the game goes to great pains to turn its house into a little town, each one is activated on your whim. You mostly talk to them one at a time. Sometimes a false word or a poorly-solved puzzle will cause one to hate you, but there are no real frictions. No “dateable” will drift apart from you through no fault of your own. Few will judge you preemptively with anything but glowing admiration. Everything in the game has to be able to love and desire you. There are exceptions, but you would have to deliberately hurt most of the game’s characters to get a “hate” ending with them. The game sets you up as isolated (you start with one [1] non-object friend), but getting over that is as easy as wearing the right headgear and saying the right catchphrase. Nothing like scores of colorful mascot characters to get you out of your comfort zone.
But the game is almost nothing but a comfort zone. While many of the game’s storylines invite you to challenge the dateables, none of them can really challenge you. If you start off on the wrong foot with one, it’s most often because of something you did when you thought they were merely objects. In other words, these frictions either don’t resemble the ways people actually hurt each other or else they are played for laughs. The best romance stories involve people acting badly, hurting each other deeply, and still, through that hurt and not in spite of it, loving each other. Though you can get objects to hate you, there is no heartbreak in Date Everything.