Paramount Announces a Call of Duty Movie

If you have never interfaced with pop culture before (good for you, honestly), Call of Duty is the third best-selling video game franchise of all time—beaten out only by the plumber dude and Soviet falling blocks, those pesky bastards—having sold over 500 million copies worldwide. The Call of Duty games are a series of first-person shooters that relentlessly glorify the US military-industrial complex and, lately, struggle to open on your computer. The live-action feature film probably won’t have any trouble loading up on the movie projector, but honestly, who knows.

In a press release for the film announcement, Paramount Chairman and CEO David Ellison stated they were handling the Call of Duty IP “with the same disciplined, uncompromising commitment to excellence that guided our work on Top Gun: Maverick, ensuring it meets the exceptionally high standards this franchise and its fans deserve.” Coincidentally, the US Department of Defense and Navy actively supported and influenced the production of Top Gun: Maverick to present the American military in a positive light and solicit new recruits.

It is joyful to see the long-standing tradition of American imperialist propaganda continue in this newest installment, especially in this dire time of US patriotism being on the decline (I can’t possibly imagine why). This Call of Duty live-action movie is exactly what our great nation needs right now in order to bring us all together: a film about dudes in the army who people on the Internet really want to kiss each other.